I think most jobs have sick days.  “Hey Tom can you get someone to fill in for me at the office, I think I have  a bug or something” most bosses have heard this.  I hardly get sick but here is an account of a what happened to me on the Mighty Mo.  I hope you like it, I didn’t.
      When we guide the Missouri we usually stay a few days  because it’s a 2 hour drive from Missoula.  I crawled in my tent at the Craig campground ready for a good nights sleep.   Slapping pesky mosquitos, because I left the flap open and lying there on my sleeping mat I started feeling weird.  It felt like there was a fire in my tent, and I had to get out quick.  I crawled out, got a drink of water, crawled back in and lied back down feeling like I got off a carnival ride ready to loose my lunch  “WTF” I’m thinking.
     Six hours later I crawl back out of my tent feeling like someone shot me in the stomach.
“Good morning ladies” I greeted my guests at the Craig boat ramp, trying not to act like I was on my last leg.  They gave me a look like I just crawled out from under a big heavy rock.  I couldn’t find anyone to cover my guide shift.  I drank no alcohol, so nothing was self induced.   Dude I’m sick, but I didn’t want my guests to know it.
     “We’ll just eddi out here, there is a long sunken island just below us and I want to work the edge of it” I stated, then I heard a rumble in my stomach, and I couldn’t row to the bank quick enough.  “I’ll be right back” I yelled as I ran into the willows pulling down my shorts and trying to get out of sight without shitting my pants.
      “Are you fucking kidding me” I’m thinking as I grab the oars, I’m back in my boat again.  My clients are chirping like birds about what a beautiful day it is.  I look down at my legs and they are as red as rhubarb and burning like mad.  During my detour I stepped in, and on poison ivy!  My ass, my feet,(we wear sandals in the summertime) and my legs are burning.
       Convulsing again I row back to the bank, this time trying to avoid poison ivy, and I start throwing up. “Wow what a day so far and we’ve only floated 1/4 mile, can this day get any worse?” I ask myself.  I wish I hadn’t asked!
       Fast forward 30 minutes, I’m really not feeling any better at this point, the sun is getting higher and hotter, I can’t drink any water, because I’ll throw up, but hey we are sticking some nice fish.
      “Set, Set, Set” I yell as the indicator goes 2 feet down and Ann is apparently looking somewhere else.  She lifts her rod tip but by now the fish has to be gone, her line pulls straight down under my oar and a hot 20 inch rainbow makes a huge leap out of the water and lands in my lap, easily clearing the side of my skiff.   Now Missouri river fish fight like no other fish on the planet, they are smoking hot and this one has only been hooked for a couple of seconds and wasn’t tired at all.   The trout goes berzerk in the bottom of my boat.
      I manage to grab a hold of this fish, extract the nymph, Anne and Sarah are laughing, I feel like I’m going to die.  I flip the fish over the side, not wanting to keep him out of the water very long after he beat himself silly, and the 1st fly hooks his tail as he goes over.  As the still hooked trout flops over the side the line drags the second fly  across my leg and pop, a crayfish pattern # 4 goes right into my hamstring.
      This fly still had some barb that didn’t get all the way pinched, now I’m thinking “OK fish Gods, can the day get worse now??”
       The day got better, I pulled the fly out of my leg at lunch, rubbed neosporine on my legs and feet, and I was able to keep a little water down.   We stuck dozens of fat Mo rainbows and browns, my clients were ecstatic.  One more day in the log book!